"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one" (Burke)
"Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it." (McLuhan)
"I'm a Pregasauraus...mess with me and you'll be extinct."
Jokes:
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
~Authorized personnel only - doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
What is the grasp reflex?
~The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother’s breasts.
When choosing a name for your baby, go to the back door and shout it out a few times.
Now...what if MEN got PREGNANT!
~ Maternity leave would last for two years....with full pay.
~There would be a cure for stretch marks.
~Natural childbirth would become obsolete.~Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
~All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
~Children would be kept in the hospital until potty trained.
~Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
~They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
~Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
~Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
~They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
~Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
~Women would rule the world.
One pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.
And the nurse replied -- -"You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!" The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?-The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"
The nurse replied, "Denephew!"
I just had to post this link, there's just way waaaaaay too many funny "pregnancy brain" stories on here.. Me and Michael was sitting here laughing like crazy, my eyes even teared up I was laughing so hard!!! Sooooo funny..!
http://www.cafemom.com/group/pregnancy/forums/read/14642848/Gotta_a_funny_pregnancy_brain_moment_Please_Share?next=41#replies
